Wii Mario Kart
05.30.08 (1:37 pm) [edit]Wii Mario Kart is, without a doubt, the best Mario Kart I've ever played, and one of the best games I've played in a while.
If you don't have a Wii, I recommend you find one.... because right now I am mesmorized....
The controlls are tricky, but fantastic overall. The online play doesn't lag or slack away from anything... It's an extensive, hard game and I luvvv it :)
Note to the world: Buy Nintendo.
Gosh, I sound like a representative... haha... :)
-Robbie
setting it all up...
05.28.08 (2:30 am) [edit]Hmm.. setting up a new computer takes longer than I last remember... prob cause i haven't done it in 2 years. Oh well. It'll be easier once I find all the program CD's I need.... ha.
New Computer?
05.28.08 (12:06 am) [edit]Huh? What's that? Someone has a new computer? Oh, seriously, ya. That's right. Robbie has a new computer and he is jumping for joy.
Web Design Help Please...
05.27.08 (12:33 pm) [edit]I'm a freelance web designer, but I still have a lot to learn. Does anyone out there happen to know the coding, or where I might find the coding, to make a personal blog without joining one of the blog sites? Anyone?
Just live, to live?
05.26.08 (12:57 am) [edit]I've been coming to a realization recently, more of a refresher course of realizations. Thanks to some comments and some common sense on my part, I have remembered one of the most cliché comments of life: it's short, enjoy it while you can.
I may have nothing that I desire right now, but I do have everything I need, and I'm thankful for that. I'm well aware there are people much, much worse on than me, and whenever I think about that it knocks be back to a pleasent reality.
I also realized (moreso remembered) something about myself. It lines up, in a way, with an even more cliché saying: "The key to life it happiness." I've developed a way to connect my need for these successes I am seeking with my most personal, most valued features: I'm die hard competitive. Perhaps that's why I try and figure out these puzzles in such an intense way. I've presented these things in life to myself as a competition. And I love competition.
Now that I have made that connection, I feel a lot happier. I have decided that I'm not just getting worked over, out of luck. I'm in a competition more intense, more violent, more loving, more envigorating and meaningful than anything else I have ever or will ever see. I'm finding my place in the world.
There are several different general story lines in which every story ever written can fit into: man vs. man, man vs. self, man vs. society, man vs. supernatural, man vs. nature. I'm pretty sure that's all of them. I fit into man vs. self. Maybe we all do.
That's the competition I'm fighting. My own mortality. Essentially, I'm competing with myself to determine my characteristics, my qualities. I'm humanizing myself, in a way.
And it's one hell of a challenge, a goal, a competition. When I think of it that way, I get a rush... it's my thing. And now I wake up thinking about it, and my days go well. I'm going to keep this up.
In 50 years would you look back on your life at age 20 and be satisfied?
I've realized that with everything I do, whethere I succeed or not, because I do it, I will be beyond satisfied.
-Robbie
um... Me?
05.24.08 (5:22 am) [edit]hmm.. I haven't left what is just a true blog post in a long, long, long time, so I'm gonna let it all out here. It doesn't really get interesting until towards the middle / end. Careful, the material you are about to encounter is dangerous to all those reading. Don't let it dig too deep into your mind with it's outstandingly stereotypical comments and structures.
I've been going through the most unusual mood swings lately. I go days feeling emotionally fantastic, and then days feeling like my world just completely sucks.
Example: A week ago, I was just freaking out, as if a whole group of small things had finally formed some vice to squeeze my head with. That's why I wrote that poem below, Dirt. But then just after I wrote it, I started to feel better, and I woke up feeling fine, for a couple days. But now I can feel myself falling back, back into a dark light of nothing. Feeling stupid, feeling ripped off, feeling short-changed. Maybe that's how I feel. Maybe I think my life has just fallen short of what I believe it should have been. I have such high goals in life, but I have no idea how to reach them. WHY? I feel short-changed because:
A) I'm a very athletic person, but i'm 5'6" and it's hard for someone that small to actually compete in things well. Thank God for running though, that helps level the playing field, just slightly.
B) I've managed to go 20+ years without a relationship. What the hell is up with that??? Have I wronged someone in life so bad that I have been hexed? To be honest, I'm pretty sure some gothic girl hexed me in middle school, haha! I'm relationship-less, I'm kiss-less, I'm everything-less.
C) I have plotted out exactly what I want to do with my life. I've even drawn out some starting plans for my future house... But I don't know how I'm going to do it. People say the idea will just come to me, but I'm not feeling anything crawling towards my mind. It's just so damn frustrating.
D) I wake up every morning saying something like, maybe I'll meet a girl today, or maybe I'll think of my future idea today, and neither of them, or anything else, happens. And it's not that I just expect them to happen...
E) When I'm at home, and I am now, I'm much more comfortable than I am at Tallahassee. That's obvious, because I know things around here, I understand how everything works around here. And it's slightly ironic, I don't let myself make any attempts at girls here since they are all at least 2 years younger than me, but I cant seem to make any success with those attempts in Tallahassee. So essencially I feel cut off.
I understand that these are no points to really moan about. There are worse things in life, and trust me, I know what those worse things in life feel like.
I've died. Well, the doctors said I was "supposed" to die, but I didn't, and they can't explain it, haha. So, every day I thank God for his grace of sparing my life.
I believe I have a purpose, different than anyone elses, I just wish it would come to me. I have realized that I am not supposed to work in an office for some corporation. So I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do something that can better people's lives, and that's what my goal is. I can feel that I have some divine purpose. Perhaps my goal and purpose are intertwined.....
I really don't have much more to complain about right now.... but if there are any people who have been generous enough to read all, or part of this, I would really appreciate coments, negative or positive. Especially if you consider yoursef wise/knowledgable/semi-ps ychologically-trained... anything in other worse.
thank,
Robbie
Poem - Cheat
05.22.08 (1:40 pm) [edit]"Cheat"
Smooth
Supple
Warm breath
Body heat
Dangerous delight
Poison kiss
Tainted
But sweet
Lusciously tender
So wrong
Felt so right
Fingertips
Everywhere
Touching
Denim skirt
Short and tight
Gone now
Devilish red top
Slipped up and away
Nothing left
But us two
Legs twined
Pressure tight
Hands meet chest
Sliding
On sweat
Smooth
Rhythmic
Tasting
Lips
Skin
Risk
Breath
Hot and wet
Coupled with sounds
Pleasure well said
Lips meet
Press
Made one
One evil
Touch
Strong
Vicious delight
Incense burning
Roses wilting
Flowers dying
Sadistic scents
Eyes
Tight shut
Ripped open
Drinking in
No, soaking up
Pure flavor
Fiery taste
Sweet fruit forbidden
Joy
Satisfaction
Morning hits
Memory stings
Guilt kills
Was it worth it?
Poem - Dirt
05.21.08 (9:06 pm) [edit]“Dirt”
Wipe it off my face
Smile again
Just to catch more dirt
Burning in my eyes
Bleeding through teeth
But keep smiling
And there’s just more
More and more and more
People throwing dirt
But I keep smiling
How do I handle this?
Obviously there is something wrong
A cut in the wood I’ve so carefully placed
Spent years carving that beautiful
Then someone pushes it off
Catches the floor with a painful thud
I felt that floor
Didn’t you?
Yes, I felt it
I’m bleeding too
But don’t show it
I don’t let people see me hurt
Just smile
And catch more dirt
I make another wonderful piece of art
And then they knock it off again
This time it cracks
And I feel my heart stop
But smile
And they throw dirt
I stand there
And stand there
I’m crying
But can they tell?
Blood is dripping from my eyes
Shining red off lips
As it flows down
And they throw dirt
Do I feel the blood?
No
I don’t feel the blood
But I feel them
I feel those people in front of me
Behind me
Around me
They are there
But what’s past them?
Everything is past them
Get the hell out of my way
I’ll taste the blood
My own blood
And it is sweet
Oh God, is it sweet
I’ll feel it
And I’ll throw dirt
I’ll throw rocks
They want to smile?
I’ll throw rocks
Damn well better move
Beyond you is what I want
I can’t have it?
I can’t get there?
Here I come
A blood-laced fence lies beyond
Gated with fear
Change
Locked tight
Welded, fused
Hate-locks are strong
Blood-laced growing
Covering
But I climb the fence
And it hurts
And I bleed
Atop the fence
But it grows more
I see the gate
All I need to do is jump
Jump over the fence, and run past the gate
The path beyond
Lined with dust and soot
I will build with it
I will live
Ash and blood
Makes Life
I jump the fence
The gate moves
It’s still in front
That God damned gate
I reach
Grab
My skin burns
I don’t scream
Just grip harder
Bend
Blisters turn to char
Char falls off bone
But I pull harder
The Gate bends
I hear it screeching
A sound
Ears curl
My spine shutters
Heart stops
But I tear the gate
I’m dying
But I pull the gate
They are behind me again
But not throwing dirt
Not throwing rocks
Pulling me back
Shaking hands grasp my flesh
Holding me
But I rip the gate
That God damned gate
It’s open
Barely
Not open
Broken
I see the ashy path ahead
Lined with flowers
Dead, but still there
A black sky raining
But I can’t feel it
I turn and yell
But they can’t hear me
They drag
I pull
Through the opening
And they tear my flesh
But they hold still
I set a foot out
And I hear nothing
I love it
I’m bleeding
I’m covered in ash
I’m torn
I’m covered in dirt
But I feel the rain
I can feel the rain
Mouth open, I drink
I don’t taste
But I feel the rain
The rain washes me
The dirt is mud
Thick and ever present
The rain washes me
Blood thins, runs off
It’s ever present
Then I’m clean
But the rain still falls
I feel the rain
My skin is stained
Earth of dirt
Human of blood
Dead of ash
Alive with rain
I look back at the gate
But it’s not there
Where’s the gate?
Alone in the rain
Should I have stayed?
Poem - Dreams
05.21.08 (9:04 pm) [edit]"Dreams"
Do you remember your dreams?
I remember
Every one
And my nightmares?
The best.
I love my dreams
They're consistent
Linear paths of perception
Of time
Of progress
A guideline.
So much better than a reality
Vibrant
Alive.
If I dream
I'm sure I'll wake
When awake
I don't know
If I'll next sleep
By death or by night.
This one is definitely not done, but it's a start. Comments appreciated, good or bad.
Poem - Frustration
05.21.08 (9:00 pm) [edit]Frustration
Fuck it
Never a solution
To a problem I can't see
Answer held high above
Strangled
Atop a sharp peak
I can't reach them
God damn it
Stop taunting me
It's right there
But what
I don't know
The answer
Is there?
What about the problem?
Is it real?
I can feel it
It hurts
Sad
Crying hurt
Tears fall from
The answer's peak
Land on my bloody mind
Sting, burn, blister
I can't move
Why can't I move?
Scream
Yell
I hear my echo
It screams back
He doesn't know either
Why are the answers so high?
Is this fair?
Is this right?
I yell again
But I don't hear my echo
Where is he?
Up with the answers?
Is that me?
What's that about to jump?
Maybe that would be the problem
Would the answers follow?
Jump
Should he jump?
The answers
Where'd they go?
They're gone
Jump
God damn it
Jump
Comments well appreciated, good or bad
Poem - We Know
05.21.08 (8:56 pm) [edit]"We Know"
Hurt,
She was hurt.
Jaded,
Broke,
Hated.
Tainted,
Tasted,
Twisted.
Hurt,
She was hurt.
Used,
Bent,
Abused,
Spent.
Dying,
Pained,
Writhing,
Died.
Hurt,
She was hurt.
But did she feel?
Did he feel?
People feel,
Oh, do they ever feel.
They pain,
Oh, God, how they pain.
Killed her,
Killed her right there,
Killed in love,
Killed with care,
Killed with heart,
Killed without.
Just look,
Right there,
Killed her,
Just there.
Where,
You know where,
Just there.
She bled,
Oh, did she ever bleed.
Do you bleed red,
Killer's blood?
Do you bleed red,
Murdered blood?
You bleed,
Oh, God, do you ever bleed.
A black bleed,
Oh, did the black blood bleed,
Oh, God, did it bleed.
You live,
Do you know?
She knew life,
Oh, did she ever know.
We think we know,
Where all will go,
From all came,
Where all went,
Where all is,
We know.
She knew Death,
Oh, she knew.
We don't know Death,
Dear God, do they ever know Death.
They know to kill,
Not why,
But how.
They know to live,
Not when,
But now.
They know to die,
Just not how,
But not them,
Not now.
She knew,
Oh, she knew.
Do you?
Comments appreciated, good or bad
WOW it has been way too long since last I posted...
05.21.08 (8:54 pm) [edit]It's been forever since I experienced the fantastic things around tblog. 4 years ago I couldnt get off of it at all, then I got busy with stuff, and suddenly it seemed to drop into Shoutpost. But..NOW IT'S BACK AND I'M THRILLED!!!
Ahh... it's comfortable to be back here. For some reason I find this to be one of the best blogging sites.
I've re-named this blog to Memorandum to The World. It's a sister blog of my other one on Blogger, Memorandum to The World. That blog is much more political/news/common-rel evance in focus. This one is more me :)
Well, this also explains why I haven't been seeing responses to my recent things on Shoutpost, so why not, I'll publish the past few here!
Years ago a friend and I maintained a blog that reached ~30th on the top 100 blogs here in tblog. Hopefully I will do that again, but only with your help! Mmmm, it's good to see you again tblog.
Later all, -Robbie